Thus Spake Haydos

We were initially very happy when we saw that Hayden had something to say about Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammed Asif. We were sure that he was going to put his big foot in his big mouth. Unfortunately, he still seems to be taking his pain medication for his broken toe because he sounded surprisingly sane.

It's probably unfair to say that Hayden and Symonds lashed out because Shane Warne had to sit out after getting busted for illegal drug use while Shoaib and Aisf got away scot free. So we will just go ahead and say it.

Leaving aside the aussie habit of whining when somebody other than them escapes punishment, Hayden has a point. We are all for due legal process. But when the PCB decides to lift the ban from Shoaib and Asif on a technicality after they were tested positive for illegal drugs, what is the guarantee that due legal process will be followed after the latest drug tests?

The latest news is that Shoaib and Asif will be in the team if they are medically fit. What about the dope test? They have to go through that too, so says the PCB. If others are sceptical about PCB cleaning it's own house, who can blame them? The real question here is: What will the ICC do if Shoaib and Asif are tested positive again?

Australia Can Win The World Cup, No They Can't

Ponting says that Australia is still the favorite to win the World Cup while Barry Richards says that they aren't. We are confused. Is Australia the team to beat or not? Let's ask Vic Marks. What? India is the favorite to win the World Cup?

This has to stop. These conflicting news reports are hurting our poor brain. Instead of these pissing contests, why don't we do something radical? Like what, you ask? Why, play a tournament in which all cricket playing (and some non-cricket playing too) countries can play against each other and then let's crown the best team the World Champion.

There is no need to thank us. We consider this our duty as a cricket fan. We have several other brilliant ideas if anyone is interested.

India Can Win The World Cup

That's what Vic Marks says. To be honest, when we read the column headline "India can rise above the rest", we were very excited and quickly read the column leaving other fascinating columns titled "Charles voices distaste for McDonald's food" and "How to have your meat with your veg" behind.

Much to our dismay, the only thing about India we found in the column is this:

"India are currently a creaking, inconsistent, gifted side, sometimes sloppy in the field, yet vastly experienced. Meanwhile, if West Indies reach the final, there will be some party going on throughout the Caribbean, so it won't matter too much if there are not enough hotel beds in Barbados at the end of April. I would back India."

That's it? What are your reasons for backing India again? Whatever happened to old fashioned journalistic analysis. Maybe we are old fashioned for expecting analysis. The latest fad seems to be all about making sweeping statements without any justification. To be fair to Vic Marks, maybe he ran out of time to elucidate his reasons. We won't hold our breath for his analysis.

Next time Vic Marks has a column out titled "Stadium venues will be ready for the World Cup" we will know the reasons why he thinks India will win the World Cup.

Taming of Sehwag

Look Ma, no hands!

This news is depressing. When he first blazed his way into the Indian team, Indians loved Virender Sehwag for his entertaining batting, casual demolition of bowling attacks, and carefree attitude. Here was an batsman who would, irrespective of the situation, go for his shots. He took on any and every challenge bowlers issued him. Sometimes he won that challenge and sometimes he lost miserably. Indian cricket fans didn't care. They loved his successes and sighed when he failed. His strength was to bat without any self doubts. He backed himself every single time and came out on top more often than not.

Sehwag broke all moulds for an opening batsman. If technique is god for your typical opening batsman, Sehwag eschewed technique. For, technique is for lesser mortals who don't have the kind of hand eye coordination and shot selection Sehwag has. Sehwag captured imagination because he had no fear of failure. He would walk onto the cricket field and play his shots come what may. Like all brilliant batsmen, his was an uncomplicated approach to the game. The ball was there to be hit and hit the ball resoundingly well Sehwag could.

Now, after a drought of poor scores and incessant harping on his attitude (the same attitude people initially loved him for), Indian cricket fans, media, and team management have succeeded where the opposing bowlers could not. They have successfully planted the fear of failure into his psyche. Looks like this thoroughbred has been successfully saddled.

Mr. Smith Goes To Washington

I am mad as hell and I am not going to take this anymore!

Er...It's Irfan Pathan not Mr. Smith and he is actually going to the West Indies not Washington. We never let these pesky little "facts" get in the way of a good title.

How do we know Pathan is going to the Windies? Because the chairman of the national selection committee, Dilip Vengsarkar (pictured above in his secret selector attire), said so. Based on Pathan's performance (8.4 overs for 48 runs and 2 wickets), we can be rest assured that it wasn't his bowling performance that re-affirmed his spot in the side. Lest one think it was his batting (2 runs), it wasn't his batting either.

Obviously, Vengsarkar just wanted to make sure that Pathan was match fit. Pathan showed his match fitness by bowling a whopping 8.4 overs and his fastest delivery was clocked at an eye blinding speed of 124 kph. On the other hand, Ramesh Powar had an excellent game.

The newspaper report here insinuates that all is not well between the team management and the selectors. Maybe, maybe not. We don't care. If this whole farce was a pissing contest at the expense of someone who might be hurt and needs time to recuperate, then shame on both the parties.

What is the truth here? Was Pathan's shoulder injury severe enough for him to sit out the 3rd and the 4th ODI? If that was the case, why was Dilip Vengsarkar in such a rush to check on his match fitness? As Harsha rightly pointed out, some fractures heal in three weeks and there was no logic in the selectors demand.

Charge Of The Gilly Brigade

We already have a wicket keeper. Can you bowl, Kiddo?

Adam Gilchrist has made himself available for the *gasp* entire World Cup. We agree that at some level, his return is helpful to the team and will probably raise the team's morale. But, batting has not been the problem with Australia and unless Gilly has learnt to bowl wicked leg spin in the last three weeks, we don't see how this is going to help solve Australia's bowling problems.

Wait...we figured it out. Australia has decided that they can do nothing about their bowling and are bolstering their batting strength. Like Hussey said here, if scores above 300 are not enough to win, they will just have to score 400. The only problem is that scoring more than 400 runs in that match didn't help either.

Harsha The Sage

Harsha Bhogle has a new column out. An Excellent read. Some interesting snippets:

"Australia’s biggest strength over the years has been the aura around it. The awe they have generated in the opposition ranks that wins more matches than any bowler or batsman can. But when a team says “hey, hang on, maybe we can” - it takes the first step towards winning and now the world has taken that step. Their biggest weapon lies on the floor, disabled. It’s a long time since an Australian captain has said he was “demoralised”. That is music to the opposition because they now know that a new, hitherto unknown, word has been added to the Aussie vocabulary."

"...Surely they must now ask Adam Gilchrist whether he is a family man first or an Australian cricketer. It is a cruel question to ask but in times of strife the general must be with the troops..."

As a purely academic exercise, what is Gilchrist supposed to do? Play for country or be the good family man? What is the right thing to do here?

"...But teams become champions because they learn faster than anybody else. And that is why, in spite of the evidence above, I am willing to take a contrarian stance. If Australia had to stumble, this was the best time. If this had happened to them midway through the World Cup, they might have found it difficult to rally back, as they discovered during the World Cup of 1992 where they were tired and jaded."

Exactly.

"In India, meanwhile, far too many people are agonising over Irfan Pathan and I do not see why. Maybe there is too much space to fill or too much time to consume unless there is something we do not know. The only thing at stake is whether or not Pathan is fit, not whether or not he is good enough. That decision has already been taken. Now he has to be fit, and indeed match fit, before India’s first game which is still three weeks away. Some fractures heal in that much time. And so I do not know why three selectors have to come to see him play. One of the reasons Pathan is in this side is that we do not have anyone that offers the package he can. If we did, that man would be in the side already."

Spot On.

Brett Lee: Can You Tell A Girl? Can You?

Sometimes, bad things happen to good people who do bad things. Brett Lee ruled himself out for the World Cup. His replacement will be Stuart Clark.

Lee's loss is a huge blow for Australia, which has been unable to defend humungous totals without Lee. The silver lining is that Stuart Clark, Lee's replacement, is an awesome bowler. He should have been selected in the 15 man squad but lost his place to Shaun Tait. Australia will miss Lee, their best ODI bowler, but Clark should be an adequate replacement.

In case you are wondering what Brett Lee's crime was, we have proof. Watch the video or better still don't watch it. It is an excruciatingly bad song.

The Indian Fast Bowler Syndrome

Maybe, If I always have a bat in my hands nobody will ask me to bowl

In a recent interview, Irfan Pathan said:

"I have been answering these queries about the loss of in-swing and drop in pace for a long time now. I am focusing on maintaining a tight line and length in my bowling before looking for swing or pace..."

We don't agree with Pathan's premise. Aren't bowlers supposed to sort out their troubles with line, length, swing, and pace in the nets? Is it too much to expect good pace coupled with a good line and length in match situations?

We have heard this excuse from all Indian "fast" bowlers from the mid nineties. We have a simple question: Why can't the bowlers focus on swing, pace, line and length at the same time in the nets? Is that not a better way of doing things? Is that one too many variables in the equation? Even if the bowler focusing on line and length gets it right, what then? As soon as he strives for extra pace, his line and length go awry.

This seems to be an unique problem for the Indian fast bowlers. Is that statement even true? If so, why do you think that is the case?

Since we don't have any international match playing experience, our analysis has to be accurate, right?

...right?

Pundits From Pakistan - Rahul Bhattacharya

This is by far one of the best cricket books we have read in a long time. The book chronicles the historic 2004 Indian tour of Pakistan. This book is as much about the test series as it is about discovering Pakistan through an Indian's eyes. The result is engrossing, funny, and poignant. Bhattacharya has done a brilliant job.

We loved this book because it ends up being more than a tour dairy. It is a story of the author's trip to Pakistan to cover the series. The book covers everything from the mundane task of getting a visa to Pakistan, the sights and sounds of Karachi, the affection of the people everywhere in Pakistan (especially to the visiting Indians), the sights and sounds of Lahore, and the cricket matches.

Anyone who is from the subcontinent and has followed this series may remember the many highlights from this series: The first ODI in Karachi under very heavy security, Inzamam's dulcet stroke play throughout the ODI series, Sehwag's bludgeoning of Saqlain on his way to 309 in the Multan Test, Tendulkar's controversial 194 not out, Dravid's patient 270 in the third Test, Balaji, and last but not least, Shoaib Akhtar.

Bhattacharya does a fantastic job in describing the matches. Inzi, Sehwag, VVS Laxman, and Balaji get special attention and we loved every minute of it. His descriptions are very lucid and were stylishly written. The author shows great felicity in conveying what he observes. The match reports are interspersed with great observations about Pakistan and interviews with Aaquib Javed and Abdul Qadir.

The interview with Aaquib Javed was interesting for the amount of bull shit Aaquib spouts. According to Aaquib, there are four reasons for the dearth of genuine pace bowlers in India: 1. Genetic [bullshit], 2. Diet leading to aggression (eating red meat makes people more aggressive) [bullshit], 3. Playing with taped tennis ball when young makes the tendons and ligaments stronger [hmmm], and 4. heroes to look up to [valid].

Reading about the author's meeting with Abdul Qadir is alone worth the price of the book. We found this part extremely entertaining. Brilliant.

About Saqlain:

"...For only a few days ago the man who added the word 'doosra' to cricket lexicon had announced a 'teesra'. Nobody knew how to play it. Nobody knew how to pick it. Nobody knew what to look for because nobody knew what the hell it was supposed to do....As the afternoon wore on, the answer emerged from a corner of the press box: 'Aur yeh teesra...aur yeh chauka!' (And that's the third...and that's a four)"

About Sehwag:

"...Tendulkar was to smile later at the futility of his efforts. 'I talk to him. He always hears me, but I am not sure if he ever listens to me.'..."

About Inzamam:

"...Asked about Pakistan's dire situation with extras, he replied: 'Improvement toh hai. Karachi mein 38, aaj 37' (But there is an improvement. 38 in Karachi, 37 here)..."

About the history of umpiring in the subcontinent:

"...Karachi, 1955. Lala Amarnath, the Indian team manager, is seated in the room of Abdul Hafeez Kardar, the Pakistan captain. The two gents have, among other things, recently taken the unusual step of slapping each other in a hotel lobby. This is a reconciliatory tea meeting on the eve of the last Test of the series. Lala's back is to the door, and so the man who enters the room with words, 'Any instruction for tomorrow's game, skipper?', has his guard down. The man is umpire Idris Beg.

Bombay, 1960. Pakistan's captain, Fazal Mahmood, clean bowls his counterpart, Nari Contractor, in the opening Test of the series at Brabourne. Contractor is at an unspecified location between the square and the pavilion when the umpire, S.K. Gangulli, sticks out his arm. It is no-ball. Why, inquires Fazal, has not the call come earlier? 'The chewing gum got stuck in my throat'...."

In conclusion, this book is highly recommended. READ IT. Now.

New Zealand Vs Australia, 3rd ODI, Hamilton

Let's not get too close, boys. Winning is contagious

Australia lost again but we are still standing by what we said here and here. To reiterate what we said earlier, there is no need to panic. Australia will go back to their drawing board and sort out their bowling problems and that will be that.

What a match Craig McMillan played. What has he been eating recently? we want some of that. Unfortunately (not really), Haydos broke his big toe and surprisingly, sounded sane. We are sure the pain helped him keep focus. A sad day, indeed. But worry not, gentle reader. Haydos can't help himself. He will be in the World Cup and we will have more opportunities to hear his inane ramblings.

Saaaaarrrrraaaahhhhh!!!!!!!

Don't worry Haddin, this won't hurt a bit

Australian Cricket On The Wane?

We wish that was true. We really do. But that is not the case. Though Simon Barnes is eloquent (too eloquent sometimes), we don't buy into this whole "... In every empire’s beginning you find the seeds of its decline and fall..." argument. Australian cricket is alive and well. A player like Hussey has to wait several years to get into the team. That means something, only we are not sure what...

The only person Australia will find it hard to replace is Shane Warne. Everybody else, including Glen McGrath, Justin Langer, and Damien Martyn is replaceable.

As we write this, Hayden is batting on 84 in the 3rd ODI between Australia and New Zealand. We hope that he goes on to make a century so that he can then be at the press conference. That is something we always look forward to - making sense of Haydos speak for the masses.

New Zealand Vs Australia, 2nd ODI, Auckland

I still Love you, Fulton. But my family, Capulets, will kill me for consorting with a Montague

New Zealand won the Chappell-Hadlee Trophy chasing down a huge score of 336 runs. This is Australia's 5th straight loss and the Aussies are worried that the world might be coming to an end. We still stand by what we said here. There is no need to panic. These results have no bearing on the World Cup. Our worry now is that this will thoroughly wake up the Australians who seem to have been cruising a little bit after the Ashes whitewash. We like a cruising Australia better since they are vulnerable.

What we are happy about is the kernel of doubt planted in the Australian side. We don't think much will come off it, but it still makes us happy to see that the Aussies look mortal now. If not anything, this should teach John Buchanan a valuable lesson. He should have shown a little class by not ridiculing his opponents. Sadly, class and John Buchanan are strangers. Buchanan would not know class even if it came and bit him in the arse.

Ponting's arrival at the World Cup will steady the ship. They will play the warm up matches seriously, crush their opponents and the problems plaguing them will seem to vanish. We believe that Australia is still the team to beat in this World Cup.

On a brighter note, The Australian bowling looks terrible. McGrath is not looking sharp. More often than not, we see McGrath shaking his head, which is his way of saying "I am bowling like crap". The head shaking has reached such proportions that we are seriously worried (not really) that his head might fall off one of these days. Brad Hogg does not look like a wicket taking threat. I think this is where the Australians will miss Andrew Symonds most.

Anyway, no need to worry right now. Time to worry would be when the Australians get knocked out of the Super 8's in the World Cup.

India Vs. Sri Lanka, 4th ODI, Visakhapatnam

Yes, It's an ageless story. Sehwag wants to dance with Dravid, but Dravid wants to dance with someone else

According to Cricinfo, the ground at Visakhapatnam was:

"Set amid the scenic hills 11 kilometres away from the main city, sporting a revamped look that can put any Indian Test venue in the shade, with a name straight out of Nordic myth, the ACA-VDCA Stadium [Andhra Cricket Association - Visakhapatnam District Cricket Association] is a sight to savour. The grass isn't just lush, it's sparkling; the stands have a sprinkling of freshness about them and the facilities, for players, fans and the media, are in place. In the middle of a forest area, with panthers lurking in the neighboring jungles..."

PANTHERS lurking nearby? Are you kidding me? Am I only one who finds this hilarious?

That should show the critics who say our Cricketers are coddled. These guys are warriors, they play the game while Panthers are lurking nearby.

Unsurprisingly, the grass is sparkling for a reason - Lot's of dew. Dew on the ground delayed the start and the game was shortened to 47 overs. India won the toss and sent in SL to bat. Once again, Zaheer and Agarkar did a great job in their opening spell. Soon, SL was reeling (56/4 at the end of 13 overs). Harbhajan took time to find the right line and was expensive initially. Ganguly and Sehwag did a pretty good job bowling their overs.

As an aside, Ganguly bowled his 6 overs for 29 runs and took one wicket, while Sehwag bowled his 4 overs for 27 runs and 1 wicket. Now, since the game was for 47 overs, 2 bowlers could bowl 10 overs each and the other three would have to bowl 9 overs each. When Sehwag bowled his 3rd over, he had figures of 1 wicket for 12 runs. Great bowling. We thought that our makeshift bowling pair did a great job by bowling 9 overs for 41 runs and taking 2 wickets. Our main bowlers could come on and bowl the last 7 overs. What happened was that Dravid got greedy. Instead of giving the ball to Sreesanth (who is in the team for his bowling), he let Sehwag bowl his 4th over and the team's 41st over. Sehwag gave up 15 runs and SL ended up scoring 76 runs in the last 7 overs. We don't know if what Dravid did was wrong, but considering that there were just 7 overs left, maybe Dravid should have backed his main bowlers.

Based on Dravid's confidence (or lack there of) in Sreesanth, we don't think Sreesanth is going to see any action in the World Cup unless one of the other bowlers gets injured.

Chamara Silva played a great innings and will play for SL for a long time. He reminds us of Aravinda De Silva, maybe because of his batting stance. Though the top order failed yet again, Chamara Silva shepherded the tail well and saw SL to a good total.

The Indian innings started of with Ganguly cramping up and retiring hurt. This brought Robin Uthappa and Virender Sehwag together. Watching them bat together brought on an odd sense of deja vu. It wasn't many years ago that Sehwag joined Sachin Tendulkar at the batting crease and soon after that, Sachin started taking the back seat to Sehwag's mauling of bowlers. The same thing is happening now with Sehwag and Uthappa, Uthappa started mauling the bowlers and Sehwag seemed very content taking the back seat. How times change.

The trademark of Uthappa's batting is the utter contempt he has for bowlers. The epitome of this was a shot where he stood tall at the crease, and with no hint of footwork pulled a short ball bowled by Malinga (who was bowling at the speed of about 146 kph) to the fence. There was another attempted bouncer from Malinga (about 144 kph) which was hooked into the stands for a huge six.

Soon after reaching his fifty, Uthappa got out trying to break the ball into a million pieces. He ballooned a simple catch to Jayasuriya. Uthappa seems to suffer from a very common disease aggressive batsmen have: rushofblooditis. There are no known cures for this disease. Only possible cure to this is if Uthappa somehow manages to make a century and the euphoria of hitting a hundred reminds him of the rewards of being a little patient when he has bowlers at his mercy. Here's hoping that this happens sooner than later.

We are very happy to note that Sehwag has found his touch. A sweet cover drive and a thumping straight drive heralded his form. World Cup bowlers please take note. The way he got out was bizarre. After looking in great touch and scoring 46 runs, Sehwag slashed at a ball, which went to the third man one bounce. Sehwag ambled to the other end for a run. The third man threw the ball to Sangakkara who promptly hit the wickets at the end Sehwag was walking to. Sehwag was found just short of crease and he trudged his way back to the dressing room. This was not good cricket from Sehwag and hopefully, this teaches him a lesson he will never forget.

Having said that, there is no need to get huffy over this. People are pointing to this dismissal as another indication of the attitude problems Sehwag has. People, relax. Ambling for a single after playing a shot to the third man is a time honored institution. This happens many times in many matches. It was unfortunate that while Sehwag was crawling to the other end, the wily Sangakkara saw an opportunity and took it. No need to make a mountain of a mole hill.

At Sehwag's dismissal, it was Yuvraj Singh's turn to find his batting touch. One can safely say that Yuvraj found his form in the very first ball he faced, which was flicked over square leg for a six. But the shot of the match was a classical cover drive which was hit into the stands for a six.

In the end, it was an easy win for India. Yuvraj and Ganguly (who continued his fine batting form) saw India home.

A word about the commentators: For every Richie Benaud there are about 10 Arun Lal's. Richie Benaud being a good commentator and Arun Lal being very very very bad. The whole world knows Ganguly's penchant for using his feet to the spinners. After having used his feet to hit a few boundaries off Bandara's bowling, Jayasuriya comes on to bowl. The commentator says that Ganguly would have great difficulty in using his feet to Jayasuriya because Jayasuriya is a vastly experienced player and is also omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. can you guess what happens next, my gentle reader? Yes, Ganguly sashays down the pitch and hits Jayasuriya out of the ground for a six.

ECB Chairman Demands An Apology

After England won the CB Series Trophy, David Graveney, ECB Chairman of Selectors, recently asked critics of the England coach to apologize for their harsh words. Simon Barnes does so. Delightful.

New Zealand Vs. Australia, 1st ODI, Wellington

Well, that was fun. Australia losing 4 straight ODI's is the big news in the world of cricket today. "Bond has the Aussies Shaken not Stirred" says JC (quite witty, we thought). We like JC, we really do. But, JC being an Aussie (not that there is anything wrong with it) lacks perspective. We on the other hand, atop our lofty perch, can look at Australia objectively (except with matters concerning Hayden).

Aussie fans, don't panic just yet. The team sent to NZ did not have monkey boy, gilly boy, bully boy, pretty boy, and young boy. Boy! that's a lot of "boys" missing in action. For the uninitiated, that's Ponting, Gilchrist, Symo, Brett Lee, and Clarke. In relative terms, that's the Indian equivalent of Tendulkar, Dhoni...Fuck it, Indians don't have the equivalent of Symo, Brett Lee, and Clarke...anyway, take our word, that's a lot of talent missing in action.

So, you lost one game badly and before that, you lost 3 straight games to England. Wait a minute! Three straight games to England? That's a lot of games to lose to the "worst team that's ever come to Australia", isn't it?

It's true that McGrath is finally going downhill, the other bowlers don't have enough international experience, Haydos is back in the thick of things, and there is no proven match winner except for Hussey. But, it's not time to panic just yet.

Anyway, considering the injuries suffered, even during the CB series, Australia has lost "just" 4 ODI's. Other teams, like our beloved Indian team, lose 4 ODI's for breakfast and are ready to lose some more for "second breakfast, elevenses, lunch, afternoon snack, tea, and dinner". Australia, known for its penchant for motivating itself for perceived slights, now has a genuine reason to raise their game to another level at the World Cup. And, unfortunately for the other teams, they will do just that.

If and when monkey boy raises the World Cup trophy in triumph and plays the "Nobody believed in us but we triumphed over adversity by digging deep within ourselves to find the winner within" card, we will we be royally pissed.

You hear us, Monkey Boy? WE WILL BE ROYALLY PISSED.

Out of My Comfort Zone - Steve Waugh

Stephen Rodger Waugh will never be known for his technique or elegance. What he will be known for is the steely determination he brought to the game and for having ice in his veins in a tense situation.

If we had to pick one batsmen to bat for our life, we would without hesitation pick Tugga, with his baggy green cap and red handkerchief, over Sachin, Lara, Mark Waugh, Inzi, or Dravid. The red handkerchief is very important. If that was missing in his pocket, we would pick someone else.

Waugh's book is like one of his mammoth innings, lacking in style and elegance but the end result is somewhat overwhelming and full of substance. He has gone about compiling pages like he collected his runs - slowly and steadily - with an occasional slog sweep to wake up the readers who might be coasting along. We liked the book, not because it had evocative writing but because it was informative and comes with an appendix to die for - scorecard of every single match Waugh has ever played. Waugh must have written down match reports of every one of his matches or he had excellent research staff digging up stuff. Whatever be the case, even his earliest matches are described in great detail.

Tugga says a lot without revealing much of himself. The iceman of International cricket remains an enigma who guards his secrets well. His relationship with his brother Mark has always fascinated people. He talks a little bit about the strained relationship but doesn't really get into the reasons other than saying that macho culture prevalent in Australia prevented heart to heart chats and that everything got sorted out much later than he would have liked. A surprising aspect of this relationship is Steve's claim to know what his brother Mark was thinking at periods of stress (sort of like ESP). Mark, by his own admission, did not have any inkling of Steve's thoughts. As an aside, we would like to learn how much of this mind-reading was due to Steve's people skills coupled with his knowledge of his brother.

Trying to be inscrutable after having written 800-odd pages is nearly impossible and some things do get revealed. His love of exploring new places, his sense of adventure for trying out new things (be it the countries he visited while playing or one of John Buchanan's new tricks to keep the players sharp), his love for his family, his enthusiasm for Udayan (the school he opened in Calcutta), his competitiveness and his ability to constantly stay hungry for success shines through. His recollection of meeting with Mother Teresa is both heart-felt and touching.

Another fascinating aspect of the book for us was the inner wrangling between the selectors and the players. That part of the book was informative without being pedantic. The formation of the players union was also very interesting. It's amazing the amount of money a board makes and the amount of power they have without doing any of the hard work.

Tugga, being a cerebral person, certainly believed in the mental aspects of the game and was supportive of both Bob Simpson's and John Buchanan's attempts to strengthen the team-both mentally and physically. The close-knit Australian team of today is a direct result of this. Steve's confidence in team building and motivational techniques in in direct contrast to his twin brother Mark who did not put much stock in the exercises and could not see how they fit into the cricket field.

The book is at it's best when Waugh is talking about Cricket. The numerous anecdotes of players and places brings this book to life. Even though the heartfelt rendition of "Under the Southern Cross" kind of got on our nerves after the 50th time it was sung in the dressing room. We get it, already! You are proud of the baggy green and you are proud to be an Australian.

We were dismayed to learn that Haydos was Tugga's best friend in the team. Our favorite Australian player's best friend is the player we hate most. Such are life's ironies. The best part of the book, in our opinion, were the matches which involved West Indies (when they were good). Tugga saying "What the fuck you looking at" to Curtly Ambrose after having been beaten all ends up brought a smile to our face. Ambrose's response? "Don't you swear at me, man". After this pleasant little conversation, Ambrose bounced Steve a couple of times and tried to knock his head off.

During an away tour, John Buchanan gave all the players a copy of "Who Moved My Cheese" and wanted them to talk about what appealed to them in the book in front of team mates. Since the test series had ended and the one days were soon starting, a lot of new players joined the team, among them Andrew Symonds. When it was Symo's turn to talk about the book, he said: "Haven't read it. Don't read books".

During one of the matches in New South Wales, Steve and Mark's younger brother is batting and is struggling badly. The chagrined bowler stomps down the pitch, looks at Dean Waugh and yells "Surely, you must have been adopted". These and many other anecdotes like these are some of the best moments in the book.

Tugga's sacking from Captaincy and one-day team are dealt with honesty and forthrightness. Retiring from test Cricket on his own terms obviously meant a lot to him and it shows. As an Indian cricket fan, we were disappointed about the limited amount of ink spent on his attempt to conquer the "Final Frontier". Besides a few platitudes for Laxman's brilliant batting, nothing noteworthy is said.

Tugga will go down as one of the all time greats of the game and rightly so. We will conclude this by saying that if you are a fan of Cricket in general and Steve Waugh in particular, read the book. Otherwise, read this review and we can all go back to bashing Matthew Hayden.

Is Cricket An Overrated Game?

Does lightning strike twice at the same spot? er...Let's try this again,
Are black holes really black?

Of course not.

Anyway, read this article while we patiently wait for you to come back.

We have issues with what the writer has to say but good writing is good writing is good writing. While we like to wax lyrical about good cricket writing, the writer apparently feels that cricket writing is mostly "painfully jocose and bathetic". While we agree with him that much of cricket writing is bad, the good writing more than makes-up for the bad writing. As an analogy, just because most fiction writing is bad does not mean that all fiction writing can be panned.

The beauty of Cricket does not lie in the hypocrisy surrounding it. Rather, it begins and ends inside the boundary lines. Two batsmen against the other eleven who are trying to get them out. Cricket is a game where there is room for individual brilliance within the framework of team work. The beauty of Cricket is in some of its vignettes. A bowler marking his run-up and the batsmen taking guard. The crowd waiting in anticipation while the bowler starts his run-up and then that anticipation turning to instant boredom as the batsmen shoulders his arms and lets the ball through to the wicket keeper.

Cricket is also a game which is not "fair". A good delivery might not get you a wicket but a bad delivery might. A great shot can be caught and a thin edge could fly between the first slip and the wicket keeper. Some people cannot handle that iniquity. We feel sad for those people.

India vs Sri Lanka, 3rd ODI, Goa

Yes, Tharanga is a sourpuss for not joining the Bhangra with Zaheer and Dhoni

In case you didn't know (fat chance), India won the match. That made us happy. Since we got that out of the way, let's talk about what made us unhappy.

This match conclusively proves the fact that India needs 5 genuine bowlers. While the four bowlers, in this instance, Zaheer, Agarkar, Munaf and Harbhajan did a good job, the fifth bowler combination of Sehwag and Tendulkar gave away 63 runs in 10 overs and did not take a wicket.

Sri Lanka were 91 for 5 when Tendulkar was introduced. The next wicket fell when the score was 180. What India needed was another bowler who could deliver the knock out punch while SL was tottering. To be fair, Pathan would have been selected if he were fit but at the expense of which player? It would be okay if he were selected instead of Karthick but if his selection meant either Agarkar or Munaf being dropped, India would have been worse off.

If we may digress, why is it that the Indian pace bowlers (I am looking at you, Zaheer, Ashish, Patha, Sreesanth, and Munaf) when they start their careers bowl at speeds in the late 130's to early 140 Kph and then their speed slowly starts decreasing to low 120 Kph? The answer is easy Sherlcok, they sacrifice speed for line and length. Well, at least that's the answer you get when that particular question is raised. In our opinion, that's a buch of bull. Line and length for the Indian pace bowlers is still a dark mystery. On any given day, nobody, including the bowler, knows how they are going to bowl. With a Glen McGrath or a Mohammed Asif, we can be assured of a tidy speed combined with a nagging length. But, all bets are off with the Indian bowlers. It could depend, for all we know, on which side of the bed they wake up on. Digression over.

Anyway, inclusion of Pathan in the playing eleven wouldn't be an issue if he was bowling well. Unfortunately, he is not. Indian world cup fortunes depend a great deal on getting their balance right. We are not sure if India is anywhere close to solving that knotty problem.

Russell Arnold played a good innings, so did Dhoni and Dravid. But the man of the match was truly Zaheer Khan. We love a good bowling display and Zaheer was on top of his game.

As a great bowler once said bowling the right line and length in the first over is very important (Okay, we made that up. But, I am sure one of the great bowlers must have said it at some point in time). Zaheer hit the right length immediately. Zaheer has always been good at bowling to left-handers, he accounted for Tharanga, Jayasuriya, and Sangakkara in this match, because he can bowl his natural delivery (the ball which moves away from the left handers) and also has the ability to move the ball into the left handers. Couple this with the clever use of the bouncer and he was very nearly unplayable in the beginning of his first spell.

Let's hope that Zaheer continues bowling this well in that little tournament called the World Cup.

Beach Cricket?

This is how a rant should be written: Erudite, scathing, contemptuous, and vitriolic.

For posterity's sake, it is printed below:

"TRADITIONALISTS can relax. A month ago it seemed entirely possible that a form of cricket might soon spread that made the 20-over game seem sensible. A bunch of crocks whose best days were a distant memory signed up to burden an unsuspecting public with a sandy version of the game. Allan Border, Courtney Walsh and Graham Gooch led the way in promoting the activity in numerous advertisements. Viv Richards arrived to take part. Everyone was supposed to be excited about the innovation. Happily, it has been a debacle. Beach cricket has been beached.

It took only one crass exhibition on a blameless part of the Queensland coastline for the new game to be exposed as the most abysmal bilge presented in the name of sport. Seldom have so many supposedly dignified men been paid as much to participate in such nonsense, at least not whilst pursuing an activity asking to be taken seriously. Seldom has any new enterprise been as unanimously condemned. As a rule, reviewers try to give newcomers a little leeway. By general consent, though, five minutes' viewing on the small screen was enough to expose the unshakeable ridiculousness of this doomed sally.

In my case those precious, unrecoverable minutes were spent watching Mark Waugh and Dean Jones bowl with a soft ball and off short runs to padless opponents batting on an artificial surface located in the middle of the sort of white sand that so inconvenienced the Turks in their skirmish with Lawrence of Arabia. Meanwhile, Border was trotting dutifully behind the sticks, a mighty man wearing a red nose. The former captain resigned as a selector to join this embarrassment.

Whenever the ball was hit on the ground it became bogged and someone had to summon the interest to collect it. Otherwise it was dispatched into a bemused and dwindling crowd. All the while some poor fool of a commentator was trying to persuade his audience that they were watching proper cricket and not a group of cavorting pensioners. Beforehand, the responsible television channel had talked anxiously about forthcoming fitness tests. Afterwards, the same mob described the home side's victory in the triangular series as "continuing Australia's summer of success".

Richie Richardson and Curtly Ambrose were spotted "batting". Too many West Indians still expect the system to serve them. Too many want to lead the glamorous life when they could be serving the system. At least Brian Lara rejected the invitation. Not that England and Australia were short of past players eager for a payday. After the obsequious Warne interview and Herschelle Gibbs' recent excess, cricket needs all the dignity it can muster.

Ball sports do not work on sand. Beaches are for sleeping and reading and resting and digging holes and building castles and warming the body after a splash, a swim or a dive. Lots of sports have tried. Volleyball, soccer and footy have all attempted to corner the market. Some of them have become Olympic games, but that is a lady of notoriously easy virtue. None has captured the imagination. Participants invariably look like dills. No one who has watched these games properly played can tolerate these exhibitions. The surface is either too hard or too soft. Often the wind is blowing.

Of course the idea of staging official sports by the sea was tempting. Everyone can recall childhood games of beach cricket. Over the years memory has managed to repair the damage. A few cheerful recollections may intrude upon an otherwise bleak landscape, like the time that fearful brat Benjamin was run out and left in a sulk. Mostly they were horrendous, with most balls ending up as windswept wides and those within reach being missed and then another batsman comes jovially to the crease and all and sundry laugh and hide their boredom. Meanwhile, sand infiltrates the sandwiches, the tide goes out, everyone is burnt and it ends in tears. It is not an activity fit for human consumption.

Apparently this nonsense has been driven along by a grog company suffering a fit of pique after its sponsorship bid for a more legitimate form of the game was rejected. Shareholders must be spitting chips about the expense. Still, beer sales may rise. After watching a match, spectators can be relied upon to dash to the nearest bolthole to seek solace in a drop of the good stuff.

Sand and water have sporting glories of their own. Surf carnivals reflect the range of activities that have been developed over the years to give humans an opportunity to pit themselves against the maddened waters. Boats plunge into waves, lifesavers perform drills, swimmers rush in raging seas, ankle-biters charge for pegs, surfers stand on boards or try to catch the wind, canoes and other small craft race back and forth. And it all works because it is in harmony with the facilities.

Beach cricket is silly. May it suffer a surfeit of sorrows and then rest in peace."

Haydos the Village Idiot

While motoring on the information super highway, we came across more Hayden pearls of wisdom:

"...In the first Test we smashed them; in the second Test God himself reached down and plucked McGrath out of the pit."

This was after the 2005 ashes. What a big cry-baby, blaming GOD for the test match loss? That's low, even for an arrogant self-satisfied prick.

More...

"It was a miracle that South Africa won the recent game. They were too good, they were swinging and it was coming off. The great thing about playing for Australia is that other sides are inspired to play well against you. I think that was a classic case. For a long time we have been the top dogs and everyone is coming to get us. We have kept them at bay for a long time."

This was after the world record game where S.Africa chased down 434. Why is it a great thing, Haydos? You are taking credit for them beating you?

If Australia wins, it's because they are good; if the other team wins, it's because Australia caused them to lift their game? That's convenient.

Indian World Cup Squad

India named it's 15 man World Cup squad and there were no surprises. If one compared the 15 man squad we picked and the 15 man squad BCCI named, the only difference one would find would be that Anil Kumble is in and Suresh Raina is out.

We still think picking Anil Kumble is a bad idea and will gladly eat our words if proved wrong. There was a time when Kumble could bowl his 10 overs for 30-35 runs, unfortunately, those days are long gone. Kumble's surprise ball is the ball which actually spins.

The only way this might work is if we have 5 bowlers in the line-up. If we have 5 bowlers, both spinners may play but then again, that is very unlikely since India usually plays with 7 batsmen.

We will tell you what would have made us very very happy even though we didn't think it was likely. Dropping Kumble's ass for Laxman. That won't happen now. We feel sad that Laxman will never play a World Cup match. This just SUCKS. We feel so sad that Laxman did not make it that we will put his photograph in this post even though it has nothing to do with anything.

Australia Vs. England, CB Series Finals, 2007

Even though our words were in jest, they proved prophetic. Not really, but we like to quote ourselves and show off our linking skills.

England was setting up Australia. Well, that's what you get for messing with cunning old England. How do you think they conquered the world? As a matter of fact, they conquered the world with the cunning use of flags (in case you thought that was very witty, we want to assure you that it is not our joke, we have very low standards and we strive to maintain them. Eddie Izzard is a stand-up comedian we really like. If you haven't heard of him, please take some time to check out some videos on YouTube, we will wait here for you to come back)

John Buchanan (Australia's coach)-really, if you don't know that he is Australia's coach, you have no business reading cricket blogs-whined about not getting enough competition from England and NZ to keep his wards sharp. He begged for better play from them. He wanted them to put up a fight so that his "boys" could hone their edge. On an aside, we think it's creepy for grown up men to call other grown up men "boys".

Yo John, you wanted a challenge and you got one. Only, your "boys" forgot to show up. Also, now that your boys faced some competition, are their edges "honed"?

Monkey boy (Ponting) was "angry and disappointed". However, we are giddy with happiness. Our day would be complete if Haydos comes up with some pearls of wisdom which we can then try and make sense for the unwashed masses.

Should this make England a contender for the World Cup? We think so, because they beat Australia thrice-back to back to back-and that is no mean feat.

India Vs. Sri Lanka, 2nd ODI, Rajkot

We totally expected India to lose this game. Helpful seam bowling conditions and India went into the match with just 2 fast bowlers. Admittedly, the other fast bowlers were injured and India did quite well to restrict SL to 257 in 50 overs but a third fast bowler would have made all the difference.

This game reinforces what we have said before: INDIA DOESN'T NEED TWO SPINNERS FOR THE WORLD CUP. Though both Kumble and Harbhajan did quite well they did not look threatening in the least. Sangakkara and Dilshan played them with aplomb and kept the scoreboard ticking. After everything was said and done, India let SL off the hook after they had them reeling at 58 for 4. All credit to Sangakkara. His hundred was fantastic and he took his side to a defendable total. On an aside, is world cricket seeing the advent of great wicket-keeping batsmen? We have four excellent wicket-keeping batsmen right now in Sangakkara, Gilchrist, Boucher and Dhoni. On a good day, Kamran Akmal can be added to that group.

We are beginning to lose our excitement about Robin Uthappa. Is he a poor man's Sehwag? who in turn is a poor man's Tendulkar? does that mean that Robin Uthapppa is a poverty stricken man's Tendulkar? So many questions and so little time...

Ganguly and Tendulkar saw to the rebuilding of the innings after Robin Uthappa and Dravid fell cheaply (29 for 2) and put together 100 runs for the third wicket. As we said here, Tendulkar's role in this team is to be the "fix-it" guy and to a certain extent he failed his role by not seeing India through after doing all the hard work.

India were at 129 for 3 in 23.2 overs when Tendulkar fell. So, they needed another 129 runs in 26.4 overs and with Sehwag, Dhoni, Karthik and Ganguly still around, one would think it would be a walk in the park.

Sehwag walked into a perfect scenario. The wicket had eased off and the asking run rate was low with plenty of wickets in the bank. All Sehwag had to do was put a premium on his wicket and stay at the crease and the prodigal son would make a hero's return into the team. Needless to say, Sehwag eschewed this perfect scenario, not for him the tailor-made hero's welcome, he would do things his way; so he promptly got out.

So, it fell to Dhoni and Karthik to see India home. They couldn't and India lost. Sri Lanka rested Muralitharan and Vaas and they still looked great. If Sri Lanka are really this resilient, they have a pretty good chance to be crowned world champions.

Sachin Tendulkar

Came across this article about Sachin. We will wait here till you come back...
Back? What do you think?
We didn't think much of the article but the comments are interesting.
We like Sachin. He is one of the all-time greats. Shane Warne once said:

"Sachin Tendulkar and Brian Lara have been the best two batsmen of my era, Lara places the ball unbelievably well, while I admire Sachin for what he has to go through every day. 50 million people wanting you to succeed. One of the hardest things about being a successful player is the weight of expectation...”

Who are we to disagree with Warne? Warney is an Idiot but not when it comes to Cricket.

Steve Waugh, in his autobiography mentions that the Australians never sledged Sachin because when they started sledging him, he started playing better and started demolishing the bowlers. We are talking about the likes of McGrath, Gillespie (back when he was good), Lee, and Warne here.

Why are we mentioning these "tidbits"? Because:
1. They point to the awesomeness that is Sachin Tendulkar.
2. To show that we know how to cut and paste.

We believe that Sachin's batting has evolved over the years. Yes, he is not as explosive as he used to be but then again he doesn't need to be that explosive now. Sehwag (poor man's Sachin) and Dhoni have taken that role. Sachin's role in the team now is to be there in the middle overs doing whatever needs to be done and to keep things ticking.

We will soon find out if he succeeds in this role.